This month marks the 5th year that I have been training nothing but women. It has been an amazing and rewarding experience.
It is also a miracle I made it.
I have made every mistake you can make. Went about things the completely wrong way, but made it any way. Thank goodness women are so forgiving.
So I decided to write a letter to myself. Thing I wish I had known 5 years ago. Maybe it can save some other poor ginger a lot of heartache.
And maybe it will entertain you a little along the way.
Guess what? You know that idea you had about doing workouts for women in a parking lot? It actually worked!
There are probably a hundred other things I have forgotten that I learned along the way, but here are 50 things you need to know about training women and about yourself.
1. When women talking about cycling together there is not necessarily always a bicycle involved.
2. Kegels. You now know a ton about them, deal with it.
3. 87% of women prefer zipped hoodies to the pullover kind.
4. On certain exercises, boobs matter. Like a lot.
5.Women are super competitive. Even if the women they are competing against don’t know they are in a competition.
6. A little recognition goes a long way.
7. You don’t need to yell to make women pay attention, you just need to be talking about something that matters to them.
8. Where 2 or more women are gathered, they will not agree on the music.
9. If you want to change a whole family’s habits, start with the mom.
10. One day you will casually mention you are trying to gain weight. Open hostility will follow.
11. You know that Facebook thing the kids are using? It will help you grow your business by allowing you to stalk your clients. Erase this one after you read it.
12. Wheelbarrow pushups are a terrible idea. Move on and never speak of them again.
13. Women who have not shaved their legs will not like linking up their legs for group situps. In fact, no one will like them.
14. The first class you will ever teach, a Biblical swarm of bugs will attack your class. Have a plan for dealing with this other than screaming “It’s every man for himself!”
15. Traditional advertising for a boot camp does not work very well. Who the heck wants to go to a boot camp? Focus on building relationships first.
These women all made me really proud this day
16. The scale will be your biggest nemesis. Take heart, one day you will get to smash a scale with a sledgehammer on the news. It’s a sweet, sweet day.
17. Your hair only gets worse.
The short lived JoeHawk.
18. Your clients will follow your lead. If you are positive and energetic it will rub off. If you are negative and lethargic, that will rub off too.
19. Be connector. Life long friendships will start with “Hey Sally doesn’t your son play t-ball at the Y? So does Jane’s son. Have you met Jane?”
20. Brace yourself. You will hear things from women that will shock and disturb you. You will hear some of these while your mom is right here too. The intent of these is to see how red your face gets.
21. Your face get pretty red. One day you will be immune to even the most horrendous tales. That day may seem like it will never come, but it does.
22. One year you will win every fitness award you are nominated for. You will celebrate with pizza that night, don't tell anyone.
23. That time of the month is always right. Don’t try to argue, you can not win.
24. It is a good sign when you have haters, don’t take it personally.
25. You will be a little nervous about a 73 year old lady joining your class. Don’t be, she is amazing and an inspiration to many.
26. You will do many embarrassing things for charity. The dance class you “teach” will haunt your for the rest of your days. Do it any way.
27. For better or worse, you will become just one of the girls. Eat raw meat and pick up heavy objects to keep testosterone levels in check.
28. Women love exercising with pumpkins, make it happen.
Even the pumpkins get in shape at boot camp
29. When people say “I will try to join you guys some time” they mean “I am never coming”. Yoda was right.
30. You still do not know why there are two Drake exits on the Parkway.
31. People don’t like exercise, it is your job to fix that.
32. You will be asked to demonstrate burpees in church on multiple occasions. You brought this on yourself.
33. You still use AOL. I can’t believe it either.
34. You will have good days and bad days. The bad days still beat having a real job.
35. It hasn’t happened yet, but one day women will love burpees. We will look like a genius one day.
36. Your thighs keep growing and your calves keep shrinking.
37. Ladies love hip circles.
38. Remember when you struggled to get a C in writing classes? You are now a best selling author.
39. You still don’t know how to use colons, semicolons, or punctuation in general.
40. Quit acting like you are normal. There is enough of that in the world. Be yourself, even if you are a dork.
41. Invent a weight that shakes, market it on light night TV, become filthy rich.
42. Being the center of attention and public speaking still make you so nervous you want to throw up.
43. You will feel slightly less pukey though. Progress.
44. You might have a slight coffee addiction.
45. Your wife is amazing, don’t you dare screw that up.
My goal is to make this happen every day
46. Your son is going to be a giant. Start saving for shoes and groceries now.
Only kid that drove to his first day of Kindergarten
47. Depending on the circles you are in you will be known as either the Giant Panties Guy, Gold Pants Guy, Mullet Guy, the Boot Camp Guy, or Flag Pants Guy. Not sure what you should do with the information, just thought you might like to know.
48. Do not run the Cotton Row in those flag pants. It’s hilarious for one mile, then awful.
49. Get your clients used to working out first, then work on getting them to eat right, next work on sleep and stress. One habit at a time.
50. You will learn to respect and love women even more than you do now. They are the absolute best to work with. You are making the right decision and your life will become so much better for it.
